For the agony, I’d rather know

05 Feb 2012 Leave a Comment

by Charlie in sadness and everything along with it

Knowing that someone you care about died is one thing; looking inside his coffin is another. Losing someone to sickness is one thing; knowing that he committed suicide is not the same. Suicide raises more questions than answers; it shoves you down an unending pit of the unknown, leaves you in the dark forever. It will drive you crazy to ask the same questions over and over and over again and not get answers—because the only person who could give you the answers is gone.

It’s not even the death that’s unbearable. It’s that person’s own decision to cease to live; to make a final statement that there is no other alternative but to stop living, that no one in the entire world could make a difference. The finality of suicide is numbing. For that person, it was the only way. For the rest of us, it doesn’t make sense.

Sometimes we come to a point where we just can’t make sense of the things that happen to our lives anymore. And the only thing that does make sense is to accept that they can never make sense.

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Goodbye, Ned. I never got a chance to know you but wherever you are, I hope you don’t feel alone anymore.