Everything’s changing
14 Mar 2012 Leave a Comment
in E, rants, sadness and everything along with it
It hit me today. There is a big difference between finding happiness by yourself and dealing with sadness by yourself. The past month, I’ve tried hard to find happiness in other things, as advised by friends. I’ve looked to the little details, read books that made me laugh, talked to strangers who have given me new perspective in life and books and people.
I didn’t realize it’s only one half of the recovery process. I’ve focused so much on being happy that I’ve taken for granted how I would deal when I get lonely and feel absolutely alone and helpless. Today, problems came pouring in at the same fucking time. What is it about March that compels people to make life-changing decisions (and, mind you, it’s not even their own lives—it’s MINE)?
First thing in the morning, the potential buyer of the house came to talk to me and discussed briefly the possible arrangement we may have next week. Hopefully, the deal pushes through, but it still put me on edge. A few hours later, my boss told me I have an interview tomorrow with the ASEAN Recruitment Marketing Lead from Malaysia, because they’re considering me for the position I had no idea about until yesterday afternoon. I’m sure it’s a good opportunity when you look at it a certain way, but I wasn’t—am not—ready to suddenly evaluate my goals just like that. Yesterday, I was in a safe place. Everything was the same. Today, everything’s changed and I’m not the single bit ready for it. I’m not even sure if I’m going to accept the move, but the mere thought of having the interview rattles me.
Then a mere hour earlier the postman hands me an envelope that nearly made me faint. I won’t go into detail, but fortunately I was able to sort it out a bit FOR NOW. There is still something that I need to settle by next week at the latest and I don’t know how I’m going to fucking do it.
And amidst all this, I kept thinking, “I need to tell E. I need him to tell me what to do!” But like I said, it hit me that I, in fact, can’t just go and tell him about how my life is suddenly falling apart in less than 24 hours. I can’t go running to him to bitchslap my woes away. I just can’t.
And that’s when I started crying.
I know, I can already bring myself to smile and laugh and make jokes and not be a total buzzkill when I’m with friends. But it’s just so different when you realize that when everything starts falling apart, there’s still one person you want to comfort you.
Fuck it. Everything has changed.
Rhian Ramos, go shit up a rope
07 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
in rants Tags: rhian ramos abortion
Okay, I officially hate Showbiz and everything along with it. It’s not even because Rhian Ramos might’ve had her baby aborted. It’s that she’s making all the wrong statements to get people to pity her.
Yes, tramp, you were too young to have been involved with a 29-year old and everybody agrees that it might have been the stupidest thing for you to do. But so what, right? You fell in love. I can accept that. But bullshit, you had sex over and over and over and over again. That’s not a “stupid mistake”. You liked that. And then you probably got pregnant and realized at that point that, hey—having sex can result to other things. And then who knew honest-to-goodness what she really did, then? I don’t know either, but I hate her reaction to that video. It’s unbelievable.
I hate people pretending it’s all a mistake just because their Pandora’s Box has been opened and all their fuckadoodles have been exposed. Such a bunch of hypocrites, and Rhian Ramos is a big one.
I can’t take it. I hate hating her because I’m not supposed to care in the first place. But she’s so unbelievably brainless, even Pia Guanio is looking like Einstein right now. I won’t even talk about Mo Twister and his non-existent balls, because at least he’s honest that he doesn’t have any.
Ugh.
Everybody Lies
28 Oct 2010 Leave a Comment
in philosophy, rants
Today while I was on the bus on my way to work, a lady hopped in and cried her heart out while telling us the story about her dead husband whose remains were held in Makati Med for a few days because they didn’t have money to pay the bills or something. She was asking us for money—loose change, a generous sum, whatever amount we could afford. I wasn’t really paying attention to her story because I couldn’t hear her too well, and the woman who was sitting beside me was sharing her snide comments loudly to whoever would listen.
While all of this was happening, I was thinking, fuck it, even if what this lady’s saying isn’t true, it wouldn’t really hurt to give her at least 20 or 50 bucks for help. If she’s not really doing it for her dead husband, I bet she’ll use the money to feed her kids or pay for whatever their expenses are—hopefully not including illegal drugs.
The woman beside me was so cynical about the woman crying. She was saying that she’s seen it before, that when it’s not about a dead husband, it’s about a very sick mother or son or daughter. Needless to say, she didn’t give the woman any change at all. She didn’t even look at her. She kept staring at the window and keeping quiet while the woman was collecting money and saying her thanks. And as soon as the snotty woman was out of earshot, she started with her nasty remarks again.
Frankly, I was more annoyed with her than by the woman who asked for money. She didn’t even have the balls to say her opinion out loud.
I don’t know. I mean, we’re always too happy to be fooled by other people when the lies work to our advantage. Take politicians for example. They’re the biggest liars I know. We believe them, even when we know deep down that what they are saying is not true. Just as long as it’s good to hear and it brings a little spark of hope; even if the truth has bitchslapped us before, we still give in to their promises of fields of daisies and whatever. And then they rob us blind far worse. They get more money. They are more ruthless. So yes, I hate politcians and politics.
And yes, I’d rather give my money to the lady on the bus. And yes, I did.
Pesky Persistence
13 Oct 2010 Leave a Comment
in rants
Some men think that being insistent and persistent is cute. It somehow makes them think that it gives them a sense of chivalry, because they’re willing to move forward despite obstacles. That’s just plain stupid.
And it doesn’t prove anything but this: THEY DON’T KNOW HOW TO LISTEN.
I’m writing this because I’m reminded of someone. If someone doesn’t give you her number the first ten times, maybe, just maybe, it’s not because she’s being coy. Maybe she just doesn’t want to.
And of course by she I mean me. And by you I mean you, B. You sugar-coated pesky little manwhore, you.
Because I can’t write the things I’m supposed to today
07 May 2010 Leave a Comment
in random thoughts and crazy wonderings, rants
There are people who, when they write, really show so much talent and heart and passion. But there are also those people who only think they have talent and heart and passion, but they really don’t. They just write. The sad part is, these people don’t see it. The good writer often considers himself overrated. The bad one considers himself underrated. That’s irony.
For once, I’d like to see someone who can admit that he’s a good writer and pursue it more. And I’d like it more if a bad writer admits he’s really bad and phony and aims to be much better at what he likes to do instead of fool himself, more than anyone, that what he’s doing is phenomenal, when it’s not.
Humility is so rare these days. Confidence is one thing, but over-the-top, painfully annoying, bullshit, self-directed praise is another.
Crazy on a Regular Basis
15 Mar 2010 Leave a Comment
in philosophy, random thoughts and crazy wonderings, rants Tags: franny and zooey, going crazy, the breakfast club, when harry met sally
I go crazy on a regular basis.
“I feel so funny. I think I’m going crazy. Maybe I’m already crazy.” -Franny Glass, Franny and Zooey
Maybe it’s because I’ve watched too many movies over the weekend that made me think (Alice in Wonderland, Casablanca, When Harry Met Sally, The Breakfast Club). Maybe it’s because I’ve had time to think about problems again after months of “girly shrieks of solid bliss”. Maybe it’s because the long bus ride from home to the office and back had finally taken its toll on me because I have nothing else to do on the bus but think. Maybe it’s because I am slowly realizing that a good friend of mine has been changing, not necessarily for the worse, but certainly not for the better (yet). Maybe it’s all of these, and may it’s not. But the bottom line is, I’m going crazy over thinking and not being able to put it down into words.
Previously, the only way I have kept my “sanity” was because I was able to channel every frustration, anger, sadness, happiness, and whatnot into writing. Now I don’t even have time to recollect my own thoughts because I’m too busy writing other stuff for other people, and then some. While there’s nothing wrong with working—and don’t get me wrong, I love it—sometimes I wish I could just stop and have time for myself and my thoughts, and put it down. Now I am actually slacking off in the office because I don’t know what I’m going to do if I don’t get this off my chest already.
First, I don’t really know what’s wrong with me. I just always have so many thoughts in my head all the time that I don’t know what to do with them anymore. To keep everything level with everyone, I’ll just use quotes from time to time to express what I’m feeling exactly. For this particular one I choose Alice, “Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.” The things I think about before breakfast aren’t exactly impossible, but they’re always more than six, and it drives me nuts to not be able to write them down in time. What I visualize happens to these thoughts is that they float around my brain somewhere, not really going anywhere since they haven’t found their way to be “released” yet, but not really allowing me to have a grasp at them because I have to time to really focus my attention to them. (I know, crazy and a rather silly metaphor.)
Next, I’ve had to tackle so many emotions last week, mine and other people’s that I forget which are mine and which are other people’s. But last night was the freshest so I’ll just talk about that. A good friend of mine had a talk about his life and what’s been happening to him lately. He’s like a brother to me and, the fucker that he is, he tells me I’m also like a “brother” to him. That bitch still can’t accept that I’ve outgrown the tomboy me. But what I’m really concerned about is that I guess it’s still just difficult for me to see him drift so far away from the person I’ve known before. I’ve long before accepted that there is nothing absolute in life—except death and change. What I didn’t really have time to think about was how much change a person can go through. But I guess to each his own. Asshole, if you’re reading this (and I know you are), before you do anything stupid again, talk to me first or I’ll kill you.
“Screws fall out all the time, the world is an imperfect place.” -John Bender, The Breakfast Club
It’s the truth, the world is an imperfect place. And the sooner we realize that, the sooner we can do something about our perception of it. The first time I’ve seen the movie a long time ago, I thought Bender kicked ass because of his character and his honesty. He was the angsty teenager that no one would miss if he dropped dead, and somehow I liked that about him. But last night, the whole time I was listening to him rant I was thinking, “Just as much as the rich girl or the dork has no right complaining about their petty insecurities, you have no right to flaunt out yours and think that you’re better than them.” I hated him. Fuck you Bender for thinking that you’re above all these people just because your father burned a cigarette on your arm, or he calls you moron on a daily basis. Just because you suffered more doesn’t make you any better than anyone else. But anyway that’s just a movie. Lol.
“Harry, you’re going to have to try and find a way of not expressing every feeling that you have, every moment that you have them.” -Sally Albright, When Harry Met Sally
This is one of my favorite quotes because this is true of me sometimes. Well, most of the time. Okay I’m not really sure. I used to think that it’s always better to be honest with yourself and acknowledge every feeling that you have, or else, as Freud puts it, it’s going to manifest itself in uglier means. But after thinking it over, and hearing my asshole friend’s story, Sally is right. You can’t express every feeling you have all the time because there are always other people that are involved, and you have to consider them also. Now I think it’s selfish to be so honest all the time, and to follow your feelings whenever you feel like it because there will always be a casualty. You may or may not be aware of the casualties (in my friend’s case, he knew) but there always will be. I realized that we also have to learn that not everything revolves around us, and that just because we want to pursue something, it’s ok for us to do it immediately, regardless of other people’s feelings. I think the best way to really understand someone is be in their shoes. So next time you’re planning to fuck someone over, try being in their shoes first. And yes, I’m still referring to you asshole. Lol.
So far, those are my thoughts on random things. Originally, I thought it would be longer, considering how long I haven’t written. But anyway, it’s out there. I know there’s still something in me, but for the love of Salinger, I can’t seem to find a way to say it.
Maybe I’ll go crazy again soon and be able to write it like this again.
About the Chip Tsao Issue. Blacklisted? Seriously?
01 Apr 2009 1 Comment
in philosophy, random thoughts and crazy wonderings, rants Tags: chip tsao, war at home
When I first heard about Chip Tsao and about how he called the Philippines “a nation of servants” my initial reaction was, “What the fuck?” and then after a few seconds became, “Oh well…” I heard the news a few days ago, Sunday I believe. After that I never paid that much attention about it, because it seems that it’s become rather a practice to diss Filipinos once in a while by other races. And the brouhaha is really getting tiring and old because we diss fellow Filipinos every day and patronize foreign cultures so I find the people going berserk about this issue really hypocritical. But that’s another story.
Yesterday morning in Unang Hirit and last night in Ten (a weird news show in TV 5), even the newscasters (Lyn Ching, Martin Andanar, and Cherry Mercado) were expressing themselves negatively about the issue. Martin Andanar whom I call the Evan Baxter of the Philippines (you should watch him, I’m not kidding) even jokingly threatened to go back to China and kick Chip Tsao’s big fat Chinese ass.
So I thought, wow even the station who swore to not be biased against anything (except other races insulting us apparently) blatantly showed their anger and disgust to this Chip Tsao dude. He must really be that badass. By then I haven’t read the article yet, so I only have a vague idea about the whole issue. The only thing I know he said were the phrases quoted in the news like “a nation of servants” and that other one saying that he’s sponsoring a member of the enemy by paying his maid to clean his windows, something like that.
This morning I finally had a chance to read the whole article, and after I finished reading it, I felt that kind of embarrassment which sometimes make you vomit, like you wish it weren’t true and there’s really more to it, but there isn’t. And you realize how big of a bomb the whole issue has already become and there’s no way to stop it.
I felt embarrassed because upon reading the article, I didn’t feel offended. I actually cringed for the Chinese because of some of Chip Tsao’s obviously sarcastic remarks about them. And I was entertained because it was a well-written satire that proved a point. Unfortunately, he overestimated some people’s ability to understand satire.
The uproar his article has produced suddenly became like a big joke to me. I read the article again, hoping to read something I missed the first time I read it. But generally, my interpretation of Chip Tsao’s article remains the same. That what he’s actually trying to “insult” in his article weren’t the Filipinos, but his fellow Chinese.
I can only imagine how those (government officials?) who brought this to our attention were reacting while reading the article…
Gov’t official (or whoever found the article): Hey what’s this article about? hmmmm “Lenin and Stalin were once the ideological mentors of all Chinese people.” Really they were? Hmmm “Hong Kong Chinese love Japanese cartoons, Hello Kitty, and shopping in Shinjuku, let alone our round-the-clock obsession with karaoke”.. Hmmm true, true hehe those idiots.. Hmmm “a nation of servants” WHAT THE FUCK?! Hmmm.. “a patriotic Chinese man” FUCK YOU PATRIOTIC CHINESE MAN! Hmmm “China, Madam/Sir” NO!! PHILIPPINES! BULLSHIT! (and so on.. you get the point, don’t you?)
I’m not turning against my own country here, although it really seems like I am. But my only concern is that I don’t understand why it’s such a big deal when other races “openly insult” us or even make a satire about us, but we are some of the most discriminating people I know against. And against our own people. I see it every day. With friends, with officemates, with people I don’t know that much. We all discriminate. One way or another. I admit I am discriminating of other people. I see people I diss at work, or just when hanging out with friends. It’s normal to criticize other people. Most of the time it’s fun that it takes a lot of our time. But it’s nothing personal, and at the end of the day I can accept if other people say mean things about me because I do it too.
That’s why I don’t understand why they are so angered by the fact someone supposedly made fun of us as a race. So what? We make fun of ourselves. All the time. And those who are not putting other races such as Americans and Koreans on the pedestal are making fun of other races as well. What’s the difference if it’s other people who makes fun of us? Does the meaning change? Is it like a white dude calling a black dude “nigger”?
All I know is, I don’t think Chip Tsao’s purpose in writing that article was to insult us. If it was, I don’t think he underestimates us more than he underestimates his fellow Chinese. Clearly, he sensed that Filipinos would be smart enough to recognize a satire. But no. We had to go berserk about it all. It’s sad and embarrassing.
To sum it up, there’s actually one salawikain that’s perfect for all this drama.
Bago mo pansinin ang uling ng iba
Ang sariling uling ay pahirin muna.
Full text of Chip Tsao’s article HERE.
It’s easy to get high when you’re standing on our backs, man
05 Feb 2009 Leave a Comment
in philosophy, rants, usual sarcasm
People are selfish. It’s not an opinion. It’s a general fact. If you’re denying it right now and saying no, you’re not and you’re pretty giving, then that just proves how selfish you are.
People fuck. Another general fact. Literally and figuratively. We’ve all fucked each other up one time or another. Everyone is tainted already. No one is pure.
What people don’t do is read minds. People who think other people read minds are mindless, apparently. And disillusioned.
When I get angry at someone, I tell him. No matter how much of a close friend he is, or how long we’ve been together, I diss him. I say the vilest words I could think of to express my anger. Because I don’t want him thinking we’re ok when we’re not, or guessing at all whether I’m angry or not. I let him know. Over time, people get over anger.
What I hate the most and I cannot get over is people assuming over uncertain things. Uncertainty is ok. It gives you time to prepare about when things are going to be certain. The worst thing that someone could do is ruin the element of surprise for you.
It also pisses me off the other way around. People assuming there are uncertain things to consider when everything is, in fact, certain. People make uncomplicated things complicated by thinking something is something else, or something more.
Blah. I can’t say what I really want to say. See how annoying that is?
At Last
28 Jan 2009 2 Comments
The song changes me. Or is it Beyonce’s voice? Either way, I’m moved to the core and whatever negativity and cynicism that may have inhabited me vanishes as soon as At Last floods in the room with its melodious and heart-melting lyrics.
It feels like I’m transported suddenly to a time when I hadn’t had my heart broken yet; a time when all my fairy tale wishes were the most important thing for me to think about in a day; when I still longed for a prince charming and there really is someone who will come for me.
For three minutes, I’m not the person people have known to become cold and harsh. I’m the boy-crazy, high schooler who steals glances to the boy he likes and prays at night about meeting him in the street on the way to school. I calm down when I listen to the song, and I know that my heart is at peace. For a few minutes I believe that I still have an At Last, and someday I really would get to sing the song and feel it wholeheartedly because my heart is indeed wrapped in clovers and the skies above are blue.
It feels like forever when I listen to the song, but everything has its end. Three minutes is suddenly over and I find myself waking up from a dream.
Marvin Agustin is a load of crap
14 Jan 2009 2 Comments
in philosophy, quotes that make you go whoa, rants, usual sarcasm Tags: karen walker quotes, marvin agustin, will and grace
I’ve always believed, in my heart, that Marvin Agustin is full of crap. And now, with his new Bear Brand commercial, he’s proven just how much crap he is actually full of. His ridiculous commercial features him talking to a bunch of kids, saying he used to wait tables as a kid, and look at him now, his own restaurant! Full of crap. As if his wages from waiting tables were the sole reason why he eventually established his own business. As if his being in showbiz doesn’t have anything to do with all of it. See, I told you, full of crap.
It might’ve fooled the kids and some, but not me, because I’ve seen it before. Karen Walker of Will and Grace, told Jack in an episode, trying to inspire him in a career in Nursing,
“Honey, I know it’s scary. Hey, when I started working in the corporate world of Grace Adler designs I was terrified. Would she like me? Would I be good at my job? And now look at me, honey, I’m one of the richest women in the world. Yes there’s no connection but if you pause in the right places and emphasize the right words it sounds very inspiring.“
See? Full of crap.
Tumatakbo
05 Jan 2009 Leave a Comment
in rants Tags: dating, relationships
Tumatakbo ang oras naiiwan na ako ng panahon~
Halos lahat ng kalabtim ko dati, may mga anak na ngayon. Hindi ako nanghihinayang na wala akong nakatuluyan sa mga yun, pero hindi rin ako mapalagay na may anak na sila. Hindi yun selos. Nalilito ako kung masyado silang mabilis o naiiwanan lang talaga ako? Kung papipiliin ako, ayoko pa magka-anak. Ang dami ko pang hindi nagagawa dahil sa katamaran, tsaka sa tingin ko masyado pa akong bata. Pero yung mga kalabtim ko dati, may mga anak na.
Kausap ko yung isa kong kalabtim kanina, si silent squirrel, tapos pinapakita nya sakin pictures ng anak nya. Kamukhang kamukha nya, tuwang tuwa naman ako kasi ang cute. Kala ko pa nga nung una babae kasi ang haba ng buhok. 6 months pa lang baby nya so overeager at proud sya.
Sa gitna ng usap namin, bigla ba naman akong hiniritan na ako daw may kasalanan kasi ayaw ko sa kanya dati. Sayang daw. THE NERVE. Una sa lahat, I would’ve loved to be with him then, kaso di ko rin alam kung bakit, walang nangyari e. Wala masyadong effort sa parehong side. Pangalawa, bakit naman nya iisiping naiinggit akong may anak na sya aber?? Sabihan ba ko ng sayang. Kinilabutan ako nang bonggang-bongga nung naisip ko na posibleng maging akin yung anak nya kung nagkatuluyan man kami. In fairness, hindi naman siguro ako ganito mag-isip ngayon if ever nagkaanak ako nang maaga. Pero kung papipiliin ako, ayoko talaga muna. Tsaka na pag early thirties siguro.
Naisip ko lang, grabe may anak na sya. Sila. Mga lactating father, baby-sitters, taga palit ng diapers. And soon, baka sumali na rin sa kanila si Eric. Di ko alam kung ano iisipin, feeling ko lang napapag-iwanan ako, medyo, but that doesn’t mean gusto ko bigla magkaanak. Bakit kasi masyadong magkakaiba kami ng phase? Bakit kasi ang bilis ng oras para sa kanila? Unfair.
On relationships
02 Jan 2009 2 Comments
in philosophy, random thoughts and crazy wonderings, rants Tags: dating, relationships
I’ve already established within myself that I am no good with long-term commitments. Friends are okay for me because there’s no bond or anything that keeps you together other than platonic love. There’s no pressure or requirement you have to do to maintain friendship. And by requirement I mean perpetual emotional assurance. Friendship is involuntary, so it’s easier. You just strike a conversation with someone, and if you find yourself comfortable enough talking with him, you’re ok. You talk with him more so it develops. You don’t tell him you want him to meet your mother the second time you see him, do you? It happens naturally.
But with relationships, it’s always so hard and complicated, and you have to deal with so many different types of people just to have a shot with someone you like. And you go through that hell when you’re not even sure if you really have a shot together in the long run. It would be fine if you just asked a person you like directly if he’s interested and if he is then be together. I hate going out of my way to meet his friends or family like we’re already getting married the following day. I also hate discussing each other’s past. It’s bullshit if people think you have to be completely honest to someone on the first or second or fifth date (and no I don’t mean tell a bunch of lies to her either, you moron). I mean you don’t have to tell your life story, your most embarrassing moment or your hopes and dreams immediately. Some people when they tell you things, you think that it means they trust you completely and they want to spend the rest of their life with you telling stuff like that. But the truth is they only want you to know what kind of person they want you to think they are. Like when he tells you what kind of music he likes, it would reflect how cool or affectionate or outgoing he wants you to think he is. It’s a fact, and it’s applicable to both gender, depending on who likes whom more and who’s willing to impress the other one more.
So it’s idiotic to tell someone you’ve only begun to go out with about your very tragic and hurtful or very friendly and mature breakup with your ex.
Past is past only if it has been resolved and dealt with accordingly. People who tell stories about their past relationships are apparently not over it yet, even if they stress that they’re still friends, but nothing more. If there had been a closure, it would’ve already been closed (whatever it was), hence it shouldn’t have been talked about again.
I believe that no man is an island, but no man should be too emotionally needy as hell either. I don’t understand how someone could be so naturally confident then become so annoyingly insecure just because the person she liked forgot to call her when he said he would. It’s like an automatic tragedy.
In other words, I hate the version of myself when I was with Eric because while he really inspired me, he also brought out the worst in me every time we had even the slightest argument.
I don’t really believe in relationships anymore. I never thought I would be this cynical about relationships. Hmm
Year-ender blog post 2008
30 Dec 2008 Leave a Comment
in blog, philosophy, random thoughts and crazy wonderings, rants, whatnot Tags: 2008, year-ender
I’ve been posting year-ender blog entries since—I think—I started blogging, and I’ve been saying the same things over and over again, promising to keep certain people out of my life for good, only to welcome them back again thinking, what the hell? people change.
But you know what? People don’t change. So this goes on to saying I’m most probably not going to keep my promise again if I put it here. However, it doesn’t guarantee me either that my life would be different this coming year just because I didn’t put anything.
So instead of writing down new year’s resolutions that I’m sure I won’t be able to keep—and to prevent myself from disappointing me and anyone who gives a shit about me, I’m instead going to just look back on the past year and see what are the major changes that happened to me.
First off, I graduated this year, but I can’t say with flying colors. Even on the night before graduation, I still wasn’t sure if I was going to graduate. There were just many hold ups on my grades. But I did. So there. That summer I’ve been to a number of job interviews. I’ve been accepted to some, and rejected by some.
In May I accepted a teaching job near here. I really thought I would last, because it had been a fun summer training for me, the teachers seemed cool, the principal seemed humble and nice, and I thought there was little office politics in such a happy school. Boy was I wrong. I couldn’t even breath by the third month that I was teaching. I was so miserable, I was making my students cry almost every day (as opposed to making them cry just a few times a week—which is normal for me). The last thing I wanted to do was pull them down with me, so I decided to leave. It wasn’t the proudest moment of my life, but I did what I had to do. Plus I needed to review for the board exam anyway.
The following months I was shaken by the core by two people who were both important to me. Granted, I shouldn’t be surprised at all with Eric, but something happened that compromised my friendship with Jeric—which was much worse than what happened with Eric. One bad decision followed by another nearly made me break down, but I didn’t (or did I?).
In October, I got another job, this time not related to teaching. I was writing and re-writing articles for different websites. The job title was SEO, something which I think is gaining popularity these days? Or is it just me?
I’m still on that job, but I’m now working home-based. My first month and a half was spent reporting to the office in Makati. It was fun, but it was also very expensive, that’s why I’m more comfortable working at home now.
My friends went through some changes also. Some of them also got heartbroken, and some spent Christmas for the first time with a special someone. This year could not have been more life-changing—for me, for my friends, and I’m sure for everyone else.
This year has been my first year to live in the real world. To have to wait for my first paycheck, only to spend most of it for expenses in the house and barely have anything left for myself. I admit most of the time I don’t like acting responsibly too much, but then I realize when should I start? There isn’t a specific time to act responsibly. There’s no deadline to start growing up. You have to set it for yourself. No one is going to fail you because you acted immaturely or you didn’t do your homework. It’s not like during college when you know you have to act all mature because you’re a senior already, and if you can’t at least you have to pretend to act like one.
Growing up sucks, and I didn’t think I’d survive a year of it, but I did. So here’s to another year ahead into adulthood! 
A rhetorical question–NOT
14 Dec 2008 1 Comment
in rants, Uncategorized Tags: imbestigador, prostitution, tv shows
This is a serious question; this isn’t me trying to philosophize anything. I was watching XXX earlier—no, not porn, you bitch—the ABS-CBN version of Imbestigador. And they were investigating this prostitution of foreigners. Apparently, these Europeans place an ad in Buy and Sell about their “massage service” with perks of course, all depending on the customer.
Now, the complainant is a Filipino masseur who also offers extra services to clients. I seriously don’t understand his point on why he’s complaining, and I think neither did Pinky Webb. She was interviewing one complainant and she commented on the voice-over that she was trying to find out through the complainant’s answers if he just doesn’t want competition in the business.
I didn’t pay attention throughout the episode, and I don’t know if they were able to catch one of the foreigners who placed an ad in the newspapers.
I don’t understand prostitution. I mean, at least in this particular context. I don’t get what the crime is. Most prostitutes who have been caught and shown in the television were either minors or were being held by pimps against their will or both, that’s why they were arrested and put into special custody.
In this case however, the foreigners as well as the Filipino masseurs are of legal age, and weren’t under anybody’s control. They were acting based on their own decisions. And I get that prostitution is morally wrong, and illegal. But what’s the judgment call for people who offer these additional services just because they want to? I mean technically, they aren’t stepping on anyone else’s business, nor are they doing anything illegal. They’re just having sex—with people who also want to have sex with them. So, what’s the crime?
Amusement parks my ass
09 Dec 2008 Leave a Comment
in rants, usual sarcasm Tags: amusement parks, fears
I don’t like amusement parks. Not at all. Sure I’ll go there with friends or to tour the kids, but to go to an amusement park for the rides, hell no. I don’t understand why people find it amusing—ok funny—that I’m scared of Ferris wheels and other rides. I told Ann a little while ago that the only rides I’ll be able to survive in inside an amusement park are those which are for kids, like the Horror House, or the little Caterpillar ride, or the more relaxing Disney ride where you get on a little boat and you ride around a cave with dioramas of the movie and a voice over, narrating the summary of the movie. Those are what I like. Some people are probably laughing their asses off right now (especially Ann if she hasn’t gotten over it already) because of this about me.
It may seem ironic for some, but I can be a coward when it comes to things like that. I have many fears, and as much as possible I steer away from those fears. Because I look ridiculous when scared. Not cute ridiculous. Ridiculously ridiculous, if there’s such a thing.
I have to ask though, are my fears really ridiculous or are any of you scared by one of amusement park rides too? Come on, seriously.
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